Funny Travel Quotes...


"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods" (Japanese Proverb)


The following is a selection of funny travel quotes and one liners I enjoy a lot. While some of them are plain funny and laughable, others go deeper into the realm of travel and life.

In every case, I hope you will find them amusing and entertaining.

Let's brighten your day with a good laugh!...


"Travels develop your mind, if you have one, of course."

G. Chesterton

"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it"
John Steinbeck

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"When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money".

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"One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone".
Erma Bombeck

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"Travel is only glamorous in retrospect".
Paul Theroux .

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"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there".
Yogi Berra

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"Most travel is best of all in the anticipation or the remembering; the reality has more to do with losing your luggage".
Regina Nadelson

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"When setting out on a photographic holiday, always provide yourself with two cameras, one to leave in the train going and the other to leave in the cab coming back."
W.C.Sellar & R.J.Yeatman.

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"A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car."
- Emile Ganest

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"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film."

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"If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel."

Will Kommen

"But why, oh why, do the wrong people travel, when the right people stay at home?"

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"When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable."
Clifton Fadiman

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"'Travel' is the name of a modern disease which became rampant in themid-fifties and is still spreading. The disease - its scientific name is travelitis furiosus - is carried by a germ called prosperity."
George Mikes.

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"People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home."
Dagobert D. Runes

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"Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers."

George Carlin

"To travel is to possess the world".
Burton Holmes

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‘"A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles."
Tim Cahill

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"To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance."
Philip Andrew Adams

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"The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist".
Russell Baker

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"Don't tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you have traveled."
Mohammed

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"Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken."
Frank Herbert

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"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language".
Mark Twain

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Remember: "Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river."

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"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak".

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places".
Henny Youngman

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"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory".

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"I travel a lot; I hate having my life disrupted by routine".
Caskie Stinnett

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"A traveler without observation is a bird without wings".
Moslih Eddin Saadi

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"A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell".
George Bernard Shaw

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"Hide your gold, your faith and the reason of you journey".
E. Heine

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"It is impossible to come back from one’s journey; there’s always someone else coming back".

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I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.
George Bernard Shaw

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"There are three critical states of human life: illness, captivity and travel".
E. Heine

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"Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last thirty years, many foreign people still speak foreign languages".
Dave Barry

"There is nothing safer than flying - it's crashing that is dangerous".
Theo Cowan

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"Now I know why they tell you to put your head between your knees on crash landings. You think you're going to kiss your ass good-bye".
Terry Hanson

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"If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport".
George Winters

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I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
Jean Kerr

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It is not down in any map; true places never are".
Herman Melville

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"The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking".
George Ade

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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them".
Mark Twain

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"Travelling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, 'I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station".
Lisa St. Aubin de Teran

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"The Gentle Reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become, until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the Gentle Reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass".
Mark Twain

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That's it for now.
Did you find them funny ha-ha or real funny?..

It's your sense of humour been tested to the limit already?..

Would you like to read some more?..

Tell me what do you think or send me your personal collection of funny travel quotes so we can all laugh together...


Laugh a lot, and when you're older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places





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